The Medium of Experience

How can one reconcile the experience of awareness as neutral with feelings of joy and love that arise during meditation? Rupert says: ‘Strictly speaking, we shouldn’t attribute any qualities to awareness. If awareness could speak of its own experience, it would only say “I am” or “I am aware” – nothing more. It wouldn’t say “my nature is love” or “I am peace”. These descriptions arise when the mind, informed by awareness, notices the absence of agitation, sorrow or separation in awareness. It’s legitimate to describe awareness as peace, happiness or joy as a concession to the mind, but in awareness’s own experience, it is a fullness, a plenitude. If you want to speak the highest truth, “I am” is as good as words get.’

How might one work with the tendency to objectify consciousness when experiencing that everything arises within it? Rupert says: ‘That’s the difficulty about speaking about these matters. As soon as we name anything, it becomes a noun or a verb. I’m using language that didn’t really evolve to speak about these matters. When I speak of the space of awareness, I’m immediately objectifying it. It’s a noun. I have to rely on your understanding. Don’t try to know that space – the only way to know it is to be it knowingly. You can’t know it in subject-object relationship. Don’t try to think about the space of awareness or visualise it. Just feel “I am the space” or “I am the openness” or “I am the allowing” – try to find a word that is as transparent as possible.’

What is the relationship between awareness and the faculty of hearing during meditation? Rupert says: ‘It’s awareness that actually hears, but you hear through the faculty of hearing. Although only awareness is aware, so only awareness can experience anything, if you were deaf, you couldn’t hear, but you would still be aware. You hear through the faculty of hearing, but with awareness. When we let go of thinking and perception, our faculties are infused with the presence of awareness. Normally your mind is so full of thoughts, feelings and perceptions that the bright light of awareness is filtered out. But in meditation, the mind settles down, there’s more space, so the light of awareness flows into the mind. That’s what you feel as being “charged”.’

Is it intentional, or forced, to channel the powerful energy of awareness into specific goals or outcomes? Rupert says: ‘If you take this abundance of peace, joy and love and channel it into something creative in the world, that’s fine. You don’t have to – you could retire from the world and lead a quiet, contemplative life. But for some people, there is this abundance of joy that can’t be repressed – it has to find a voice, a form in the world. Find an activity in which this understanding can be fully expressed. It could be something artistic, in the caring professions, or almost any field of human endeavour. It’s not forced at all – it’s an intelligent use of this energy surging through you. Don’t let it disperse into the world – to really go deeply into something, you have to focus all your energies into it, which means excluding other possibilities.’

How might one understand the process of enlightenment or awakening through metaphor? Rupert says: ‘The best metaphor I know for so-called enlightenment is John Smith acting on stage as King Lear, completely caught up in his thoughts, feelings, actions and relationships. At some stage, either naturally or induced by a practice, a pause opens up in the stream of his experience, and in that pause, the knowledge “I am John Smith” shines. It’s the same with us – we’re going about our lives, and then either nature gives us a free gift (like the fulfilment of a desire, a moment of wonder, grief, a pause between thoughts, the peace of deep sleep) or we cultivate it with meditation. In that gap between thoughts, the light of our being shines. You have to cultivate going back, having repeated glimpses of your true nature, only to lose yourself again in the content of experience. Each time you come back, you’re weakening the old habit of getting lost in the content of experience.’

How can one bring non-dual teachings into real life when dealing with strong emotions or difficult colleagues? Rupert says: ‘Words or actions can only hurt you if you stand as the mind and resist them. If you stand as the space of awareness, their words will just float through you. It’s not their words that are hurtful – it’s your resistance to them. Don’t let the non-dual understanding prevent you from doing what you need to do at a more relative level, which includes saying no and setting boundaries. There are no boundaries in infinite awareness, but boundaries are necessary in everyday life. When you have strong physical sensations that are the counterpart to intense emotions, you have to allow that tension in your body to appear in the space of awareness and gradually dissipate its energies. It takes time for that tension to subside.’

What is the relationship between awareness and one’s experience – is awareness prior to experience or does it arise with it? Rupert says: ‘Is it your experience that your thoughts arise? Your sensations? The sound of my voice? Is it your experience that awareness arises? To whom does it arise? If you claim it’s your experience that awareness arises, whatever witnesses that appearance must be present and aware. How many awarenesses have you experienced during your life? There’s only one awareness, only one self, only one being – either clothed in experience, in which case it seems to be a temporary finite self like a human being, or naked, in which case it’s no longer a human being but pure being, infinite being, God’s being. My experience is that consciousness is completely free, not bound or conditioned by anything. The freedom I sense as an apparently separate individual is borrowed from the freedom that properly belongs to consciousness.’

How does one’s perspective on reality relate to questions of effort, agency (free will) and grace? Rupert says: ‘In practical terms, I would recommend acting as if you do have freedom and using your freedom of choice in service of this love and understanding. When you find yourself at a crossroads in your life, pause and make sure your decision comes from the deepest place in you. Don’t make decisions based on fear, the need to be loved, the need for approval, or anxiety. Make a decision that comes from the deepest place in you.’

What is the significance of ‘I am’ and how does it relate to one’s essential nature? Rupert says: ‘The thought “I am” is a portal, but the experience to which we refer that enables us to say “I am” is not an entry point. Your mind passes through the portal “I am” and is divested of all the qualities borrowed from the content of experience. On the other side, you stand revealed as infinite consciousness. When we’ve divested ourself of all experiences – memories, thoughts, feelings, relationships – we stand as naked, infinite being. The thought “I am” gives the person the right direction. It shows the person where to go. It’s like a beacon that shines in the mind, taking it backwards, inwards. The name “I” is a trace that the infinite leaves of itself in each of our finite minds – it’s like a hint. It’s the name of God.’

How should one approach the relationship between addictive tendencies and the perfectionist impulse to overcome them? Rupert says: ‘Be careful not to use that understanding to legitimise behaviour you deeply feel you want to cease engaging in. Don’t say “that’s just my perfectionist mind” or “there’s no real good or bad”. That would be the ego appropriating the non-dual understanding to perpetuate itself. You already know you don’t want to go on indulging in this behaviour – deal with it now. Self-enquiry is unlikely to be sufficient with these strong habits of the mind. You may need some other more relative intervention. An addiction is like a phonograph needle stuck in a groove – the groove is so deep. It’s coming from a sense of lack in you. Self-enquiry helps because we go through the sense of lack all the way back to our being, in which there is no lack. But in almost all cases, that by itself is not sufficient.’

How can one reconcile the experience of awareness as neutral with feelings of joy and love that arise during meditation? Rupert says: ‘Strictly speaking, we shouldn’t attribute any qualities to awareness. If awareness could speak of its own experience, it would only say “I am” or “I am aware” – nothing more. It wouldn’t say “my nature is love” or “I am peace”. These descriptions arise when the mind, informed by awareness, notices the absence of agitation, sorrow or separation in awareness. It’s legitimate to describe awareness as peace, happiness or joy as a concession to the mind, but in awareness’s own experience, it is a fullness, a plenitude. If you want to speak the highest truth, “I am” is as good as words get.’

How might one work with the tendency to objectify consciousness when experiencing that everything arises within it? Rupert says: ‘That’s the difficulty about speaking about these matters. As soon as we name anything, it becomes a noun or a verb. I’m using language that didn’t really evolve to speak about these matters. When I speak of the space of awareness, I’m immediately objectifying it. It’s a noun. I have to rely on your understanding. Don’t try to know that space – the only way to know it is to be it knowingly. You can’t know it in subject-object relationship. Don’t try to think about the space of awareness or visualise it. Just feel “I am the space” or “I am the openness” or “I am the allowing” – try to find a word that is as transparent as possible.’

What is the relationship between awareness and the faculty of hearing during meditation? Rupert says: ‘It’s awareness that actually hears, but you hear through the faculty of hearing. Although only awareness is aware, so only awareness can experience anything, if you were deaf, you couldn’t hear, but you would still be aware. You hear through the faculty of hearing, but with awareness. When we let go of thinking and perception, our faculties are infused with the presence of awareness. Normally your mind is so full of thoughts, feelings and perceptions that the bright light of awareness is filtered out. But in meditation, the mind settles down, there’s more space, so the light of awareness flows into the mind. That’s what you feel as being “charged”.’

Is it intentional, or forced, to channel the powerful energy of awareness into specific goals or outcomes? Rupert says: ‘If you take this abundance of peace, joy and love and channel it into something creative in the world, that’s fine. You don’t have to – you could retire from the world and lead a quiet, contemplative life. But for some people, there is this abundance of joy that can’t be repressed – it has to find a voice, a form in the world. Find an activity in which this understanding can be fully expressed. It could be something artistic, in the caring professions, or almost any field of human endeavour. It’s not forced at all – it’s an intelligent use of this energy surging through you. Don’t let it disperse into the world – to really go deeply into something, you have to focus all your energies into it, which means excluding other possibilities.’

How might one understand the process of enlightenment or awakening through metaphor? Rupert says: ‘The best metaphor I know for so-called enlightenment is John Smith acting on stage as King Lear, completely caught up in his thoughts, feelings, actions and relationships. At some stage, either naturally or induced by a practice, a pause opens up in the stream of his experience, and in that pause, the knowledge “I am John Smith” shines. It’s the same with us – we’re going about our lives, and then either nature gives us a free gift (like the fulfilment of a desire, a moment of wonder, grief, a pause between thoughts, the peace of deep sleep) or we cultivate it with meditation. In that gap between thoughts, the light of our being shines. You have to cultivate going back, having repeated glimpses of your true nature, only to lose yourself again in the content of experience. Each time you come back, you’re weakening the old habit of getting lost in the content of experience.’

How can one bring non-dual teachings into real life when dealing with strong emotions or difficult colleagues? Rupert says: ‘Words or actions can only hurt you if you stand as the mind and resist them. If you stand as the space of awareness, their words will just float through you. It’s not their words that are hurtful – it’s your resistance to them. Don’t let the non-dual understanding prevent you from doing what you need to do at a more relative level, which includes saying no and setting boundaries. There are no boundaries in infinite awareness, but boundaries are necessary in everyday life. When you have strong physical sensations that are the counterpart to intense emotions, you have to allow that tension in your body to appear in the space of awareness and gradually dissipate its energies. It takes time for that tension to subside.’

What is the relationship between awareness and one’s experience – is awareness prior to experience or does it arise with it? Rupert says: ‘Is it your experience that your thoughts arise? Your sensations? The sound of my voice? Is it your experience that awareness arises? To whom does it arise? If you claim it’s your experience that awareness arises, whatever witnesses that appearance must be present and aware. How many awarenesses have you experienced during your life? There’s only one awareness, only one self, only one being – either clothed in experience, in which case it seems to be a temporary finite self like a human being, or naked, in which case it’s no longer a human being but pure being, infinite being, God’s being. My experience is that consciousness is completely free, not bound or conditioned by anything. The freedom I sense as an apparently separate individual is borrowed from the freedom that properly belongs to consciousness.’

How does one’s perspective on reality relate to questions of effort, agency (free will) and grace? Rupert says: ‘In practical terms, I would recommend acting as if you do have freedom and using your freedom of choice in service of this love and understanding. When you find yourself at a crossroads in your life, pause and make sure your decision comes from the deepest place in you. Don’t make decisions based on fear, the need to be loved, the need for approval, or anxiety. Make a decision that comes from the deepest place in you.’

What is the significance of ‘I am’ and how does it relate to one’s essential nature? Rupert says: ‘The thought “I am” is a portal, but the experience to which we refer that enables us to say “I am” is not an entry point. Your mind passes through the portal “I am” and is divested of all the qualities borrowed from the content of experience. On the other side, you stand revealed as infinite consciousness. When we’ve divested ourself of all experiences – memories, thoughts, feelings, relationships – we stand as naked, infinite being. The thought “I am” gives the person the right direction. It shows the person where to go. It’s like a beacon that shines in the mind, taking it backwards, inwards. The name “I” is a trace that the infinite leaves of itself in each of our finite minds – it’s like a hint. It’s the name of God.’

How should one approach the relationship between addictive tendencies and the perfectionist impulse to overcome them? Rupert says: ‘Be careful not to use that understanding to legitimise behaviour you deeply feel you want to cease engaging in. Don’t say “that’s just my perfectionist mind” or “there’s no real good or bad”. That would be the ego appropriating the non-dual understanding to perpetuate itself. You already know you don’t want to go on indulging in this behaviour – deal with it now. Self-enquiry is unlikely to be sufficient with these strong habits of the mind. You may need some other more relative intervention. An addiction is like a phonograph needle stuck in a groove – the groove is so deep. It’s coming from a sense of lack in you. Self-enquiry helps because we go through the sense of lack all the way back to our being, in which there is no lack. But in almost all cases, that by itself is not sufficient.’