‘I Am’ Is Our Primary Experience

Before we know anything, we know ‘I am’. It is our primary experience. All other experience comes after the fact of simply being. In meditation, we step back from the content of experience into the ‘I Am’ before it’s qualified by experience. This stepping back seems to be something we do. So we do it, until it’s clear it’s what we naturally, effortlessly are. Come to rest in that fact of simply being, which does not share the agitation or sorrow that characterises thoughts and feelings. This fact of being is peace and happiness. Preoccupied with activity, we overlook it. Doing obscures being. We may go back and forth between the foreground of experience and the background of being. Eventually, we remain in and as being in the midst of experience – in activities and relationships – without losing the sense of our essential self, the fact of simply being, and its innate peace and causeless joy.

A woman asks if it’s possible to live without ‘orange-coloured glasses’. Rupert suggests that it is possible, because we do it every night when we fall asleep. The real question is, ‘Is it necessary?’ Just as we don't need to turn off the movie to see the screen, it is not necessary for experience to stop for us to recognise our essential nature. It is not experience which is problematic, it is our identification with it that is.

A couple, who have recently discovered Rupert's teachings, asks if it is enough to notice your own being or does the ego need to be explored. Rupert responds that exploring the ego won't tell you anything about peace and happiness, which is found by going to your self, your being. Why wait if you can go there now. Rupert also shares his experience whilst studying Gurdjieff and Ouspensky at Colet House.

A man asks if you have to know what you are not before knowing what you are. Rupert responds it's not enough to know what we are not. What's important is to know what we are. He uses the rope and snake analogy to highlight that it’s necessary to know our being. Go to the pure 'I am'.

A woman asks whether she should accept the fact that neighbours are loud. She also asks if therapy is a good idea. Rupert says his intuition is that it would be helpful for her to talk with someone, alongside this deeper investigation into her true nature. At a relative level, her body-mind is sensitive so that it is legitimate to want to reduce the noise, perhaps by moving.

A man says Rupert's teachings 'set him on fire' and now he has some difficulty with intense physical energy that arises, which makes it hard to perform and live his life. Rupert suggests that there is nothing about knowing your being that should interfere with your ability to function or live your life. If there is something disturbing your ability to live your life, it may very well be your ego. Rupert guides the man in self-enquiry to discover the peaceful nature of his being.

A woman comments that body sensations are prevalent and vibrant. Rupert suggests that all we do is go back to our true nature of consciousness and leave the sensations to do whatever they are conditioned to do. It is deeply connected to the world. Let whatever is taking place in your body, take place – in you, consciousness.

A woman asks Rupert for some pointers on how to become aware of our essential nature during the dark night of the soul without dissociating. Rupert suggests that the dark night of the soul happens when all opportunities to relieve hopelessness is taken away. He suggests saying to herself, 'I am hopeless' or 'I am despairing' and emphasise the 'I am' rather than the despair or the dark night. The 'I am' is shining in the midst of all experience, even darkness.

A man shares that the peace he previously felt has left him. Rupert suggests that the peace that disappeared was a state of mind, not the peace of his true being, but a reflection in his mind. All states of mind appear and disappear. Go back to the peace of simply being that lies behind the mind. We are not just the aloof witness but also the lovingness of shared being.

A woman comments that she doesn't know what to do with her underlying anger that is easily triggered. Rupert asks about her attitude towards the anger when provoked, and she shares that she feels some compassion. Being aware of the anger is a first step otherwise you wouldn't be able to separate yourself from it. Cultivate the capacity to observe the anger arising. Remain as the observer, the space in which it arises. Be sweet with the anger, as you would with a child.

A man asks about mindfulness and the witness as it relates to consciousness. Rupert replies that mindfulness requires the focusing of attention on the current experience without being distracted by it. The direct path is not the focusing or the directing of our attention; it’s the relaxing of our attention and the going back to our self. The witness is a halfway step – instead of being absorbed in the known thoughts, feelings, and so on, we are that which knows.

A woman who has been following Theravada Buddhism asks about 'I am' and impermanence. Rupert responds that there is no separate, localised or temporary self. It is like the space in your room which is not separate from other spaces. The 'I am' is like that space. Everything objective is impermanent. No thing is permanent but there is eternity, the ever-present.

A man relays his battle with intrusive thoughts. Rupert suggests that there are three elements – intrusive thoughts, the ‘I’ that has them, and the connection between them. If you want to get out of this downward spiral, give your love and attention to the ‘I’ that has the thoughts, not the thoughts themselves. Focusing on the ‘I’ is the upward spiral. Fighting thoughts with thoughts is more downward spiral.

A man asks if desires can ever be fulfilled, or will they just lead to more desires. Rupert suggests that when you get what you want the mind comes to an end and the background of true nature comes forward. The mind thinks that it came from the acquisition of the object. Desires lead to desire, unless we notice that the happiness comes from the temporary dissolution of the mind, not the object.

A woman says she stayed in her being throughout the entire retreat last weekend, but it seems to have left. She asks why is it so easy to be there during retreat and then forget when we go home. Why doesn't recognition last? Rupert says the whole purpose of the retreat is to remind us of and spend time in and as our being. The world is encouraging us to direct our attention to objects, so there is that pull as well as our old habits.

A man asks if he needs to suffer to know himself and remember God. Rupert suggests that the short answer is no, but for many people, it is only when they are suffering that they turn towards God. There is no impulse there when they aren't suffering. But it’s not necessary. Don't rely on suffering to turn towards your true self. It is not compelled just by suffering; go there out of love and interest.

A woman, who talks about recognition that is rooted in the separate self and unworthiness, asks about the need to be recognised. Rupert says that being recognised in certain roles is not necessarily egoic, unless your identity depends upon that recognition.

A man references the analogy of John Smith and King Lear. Rupert suggests that when the play continues, King Lear is suffering; when the play stops, John Smith is happy, but the play doesn't need to stop. The play carries on. It is the result of innumerable forces. Eventually, the play responds to the fact that you are no longer seeking fulfilment from it.

Before we know anything, we know ‘I am’. It is our primary experience. All other experience comes after the fact of simply being. In meditation, we step back from the content of experience into the ‘I Am’ before it’s qualified by experience. This stepping back seems to be something we do. So we do it, until it’s clear it’s what we naturally, effortlessly are. Come to rest in that fact of simply being, which does not share the agitation or sorrow that characterises thoughts and feelings. This fact of being is peace and happiness. Preoccupied with activity, we overlook it. Doing obscures being. We may go back and forth between the foreground of experience and the background of being. Eventually, we remain in and as being in the midst of experience – in activities and relationships – without losing the sense of our essential self, the fact of simply being, and its innate peace and causeless joy.

A woman asks if it’s possible to live without ‘orange-coloured glasses’. Rupert suggests that it is possible, because we do it every night when we fall asleep. The real question is, ‘Is it necessary?’ Just as we don't need to turn off the movie to see the screen, it is not necessary for experience to stop for us to recognise our essential nature. It is not experience which is problematic, it is our identification with it that is.

A couple, who have recently discovered Rupert's teachings, asks if it is enough to notice your own being or does the ego need to be explored. Rupert responds that exploring the ego won't tell you anything about peace and happiness, which is found by going to your self, your being. Why wait if you can go there now. Rupert also shares his experience whilst studying Gurdjieff and Ouspensky at Colet House.

A man asks if you have to know what you are not before knowing what you are. Rupert responds it's not enough to know what we are not. What's important is to know what we are. He uses the rope and snake analogy to highlight that it’s necessary to know our being. Go to the pure 'I am'.

A woman asks whether she should accept the fact that neighbours are loud. She also asks if therapy is a good idea. Rupert says his intuition is that it would be helpful for her to talk with someone, alongside this deeper investigation into her true nature. At a relative level, her body-mind is sensitive so that it is legitimate to want to reduce the noise, perhaps by moving.

A man says Rupert's teachings 'set him on fire' and now he has some difficulty with intense physical energy that arises, which makes it hard to perform and live his life. Rupert suggests that there is nothing about knowing your being that should interfere with your ability to function or live your life. If there is something disturbing your ability to live your life, it may very well be your ego. Rupert guides the man in self-enquiry to discover the peaceful nature of his being.

A woman comments that body sensations are prevalent and vibrant. Rupert suggests that all we do is go back to our true nature of consciousness and leave the sensations to do whatever they are conditioned to do. It is deeply connected to the world. Let whatever is taking place in your body, take place – in you, consciousness.

A woman asks Rupert for some pointers on how to become aware of our essential nature during the dark night of the soul without dissociating. Rupert suggests that the dark night of the soul happens when all opportunities to relieve hopelessness is taken away. He suggests saying to herself, 'I am hopeless' or 'I am despairing' and emphasise the 'I am' rather than the despair or the dark night. The 'I am' is shining in the midst of all experience, even darkness.

A man shares that the peace he previously felt has left him. Rupert suggests that the peace that disappeared was a state of mind, not the peace of his true being, but a reflection in his mind. All states of mind appear and disappear. Go back to the peace of simply being that lies behind the mind. We are not just the aloof witness but also the lovingness of shared being.

A woman comments that she doesn't know what to do with her underlying anger that is easily triggered. Rupert asks about her attitude towards the anger when provoked, and she shares that she feels some compassion. Being aware of the anger is a first step otherwise you wouldn't be able to separate yourself from it. Cultivate the capacity to observe the anger arising. Remain as the observer, the space in which it arises. Be sweet with the anger, as you would with a child.

A man asks about mindfulness and the witness as it relates to consciousness. Rupert replies that mindfulness requires the focusing of attention on the current experience without being distracted by it. The direct path is not the focusing or the directing of our attention; it’s the relaxing of our attention and the going back to our self. The witness is a halfway step – instead of being absorbed in the known thoughts, feelings, and so on, we are that which knows.

A woman who has been following Theravada Buddhism asks about 'I am' and impermanence. Rupert responds that there is no separate, localised or temporary self. It is like the space in your room which is not separate from other spaces. The 'I am' is like that space. Everything objective is impermanent. No thing is permanent but there is eternity, the ever-present.

A man relays his battle with intrusive thoughts. Rupert suggests that there are three elements – intrusive thoughts, the ‘I’ that has them, and the connection between them. If you want to get out of this downward spiral, give your love and attention to the ‘I’ that has the thoughts, not the thoughts themselves. Focusing on the ‘I’ is the upward spiral. Fighting thoughts with thoughts is more downward spiral.

A man asks if desires can ever be fulfilled, or will they just lead to more desires. Rupert suggests that when you get what you want the mind comes to an end and the background of true nature comes forward. The mind thinks that it came from the acquisition of the object. Desires lead to desire, unless we notice that the happiness comes from the temporary dissolution of the mind, not the object.

A woman says she stayed in her being throughout the entire retreat last weekend, but it seems to have left. She asks why is it so easy to be there during retreat and then forget when we go home. Why doesn't recognition last? Rupert says the whole purpose of the retreat is to remind us of and spend time in and as our being. The world is encouraging us to direct our attention to objects, so there is that pull as well as our old habits.

A man asks if he needs to suffer to know himself and remember God. Rupert suggests that the short answer is no, but for many people, it is only when they are suffering that they turn towards God. There is no impulse there when they aren't suffering. But it’s not necessary. Don't rely on suffering to turn towards your true self. It is not compelled just by suffering; go there out of love and interest.

A woman, who talks about recognition that is rooted in the separate self and unworthiness, asks about the need to be recognised. Rupert says that being recognised in certain roles is not necessarily egoic, unless your identity depends upon that recognition.

A man references the analogy of John Smith and King Lear. Rupert suggests that when the play continues, King Lear is suffering; when the play stops, John Smith is happy, but the play doesn't need to stop. The play carries on. It is the result of innumerable forces. Eventually, the play responds to the fact that you are no longer seeking fulfilment from it.