Communicating with a Mentally Ill Family Member from the media Emotions Dissolve in the Open Space of Awareness
A woman, whose brother is mentally ill and sometimes violent, asks for help in learning to interact with him when necessary. Rupert affirms that in person, fear is an understandable response. When communicating by phone, he suggests she pause and go back to the open space of awareness in which all appearances arise, including the fear and the sound of her brother’s voice.
- Duration: 4 minutes and 21 seconds
- Recorded on: Sep 23, 2022
- Event: Seven Day Retreat at The Vedanta – 17th to 24th September
A woman shares that the morning’s meditation was great until the music started because it was so beautiful and full of longing, it pulled her from her meditation. Rupert suggests she can experience the music as an outpouring of longing or an outpouring of love. Longing is the gravitational pull of God’s love pulling us back home.
A woman reads a short piece by a Japanese nun to express her own experience. Everything she knew fell away, including her suffering. She asks if she is missing something. Rupert responds that her experience is familiar in that we're so involved in our everyday life prior to recognition, which leaves us with a feeling of peace that feels a bit arid. When the sorrow goes some of the more positive aspects of experience diminish as well. It is an intermediary phase; in time, it overflows as love in all experience. It will come back but less personally.
A woman, whose brother is mentally ill and sometimes violent, asks for help in learning to interact with him when necessary. Rupert affirms that in person, fear is an understandable response. When communicating by phone, he suggests she pause and go back to the open space of awareness in which all appearances arise, including the fear and the sound of her brother’s voice.
A man asks about 'the path of good intentions’ for improving his daily life, citing a gap between good intentions and what actually happens. Rupert suggests that we want our life to be governed by our love for truth and this understanding. Our actions are an expression of that, but surface thoughts are not always in alignment. Try to be in touch with your being and allow it to guide your actions as opposed to these surface thoughts, which will eventually have less power over your habitual behaviour. He suggests setting himself up for succes, such as not having unhealthy food in the house.
A man asks about the practicalities of decision-making and its relation to non-duality. Rupert suggests finding a way to make choices and decisions that come from peace, love and joy. Check to see if your decisions are in service of the qualities of your true nature.
A man says that his recent meditation experience answered the question, ‘What is it like to die?’ He asks about what the process for the dissolution of the fear that accompanies it, is. Rupert suggests that the process dissolves the separate self. If we were able to ask infinite being what its experience is of itself, there would be nothing that was other or finite. That is why we describe infinite being as love, in contrast to our sense of separation.
A man asks about the narrow perception of reality from the localised perspective of the separate self and whether it is a constraint on experience. Rupert replies that our senses present experience to us that is consistent with their limitations. The finite mind could not bear unmediated reality. The orange-coloured glasses filter reality. Rupert quotes from 'The Homage to William Blake’.
A man asks about a Balyani quote about ‘the falling away of the falling away’. Rupert suggests that the falling away is of the ego, but once the falling away of the ego happens, it makes no sense to speak of the ego falling away, because it is illusory. That is the falling away of the falling away.
A man says language creates limitations and asks about the 'I' which he confuses with the ego. Rupert suggests the words either go straight to your heart or not. Don't analyse or try to explain. Let it go. In addressing the 'I', he uses the metaphor of John Smith and King Lear to explain the uses of 'I' according to whom it refers, but it is the same 'I', the being of God's being. 'I' is the divine mantra, which takes us directly to God's presence in the heart. Rupert mentions nama rupa, sat chit ananda, with 'nama rupa' meaning divine name.
A man says he is lonely but seeks solitude to regenerate. However, he does want to share. Rupert says that being is alone, the separate self is lonely as a fragment. The remedy is to come to these retreats. Everyone will take care of your feelings of loneliness and unworthiness. Rupert shares his personal experience of attending Francis’s retreats.
A man asks if it is inevitable that a couple will break up if they don't share the understanding. Rupert says it is not inevitable. Someone may not have an interest in the teaching but have an intuitive understanding that is consistent with the understanding. It is possible for couples to remain together with or without the same interest in the teaching. He speaks of the spiritual, physical, intellectual and emotional aspects of relationship, and suggest three out of four are necessary for the relationship to survive.
A woman asks about war and those who are tortured in light of her loving-kindness meditation. Rupert suggests that the innate peace and joy of our being is available to all people under almost all circumstances, almost all the time. We must leave open the possibility that some experiences are too intense. Rupert recommends that she do the loving-kindness meditation for those she loves, then someone she is neutral toward, and then someone she dislikes and practise this loving kindness meditation with them.
A woman says that the retreat meditations have been like symphonies, and that she felt a huge sorrow that was not on behalf of the separate self but is a sorrow that she has carried her whole life. Rupert asks her, referring only to her current experience, to see if there is any sorrow to be found now. There is no sorrow in the now. There can be acknowledgment of humanity's sorrow, a sense of compassion for humanity, a kind of divine sadness pervaded by love.
A man wonders how enlightened beings can be in the presence of the sorrow of the world. Rupert suggests that it is not something that being defends itself against, just like the space of the room cannot be overcome by anything because of its utter openness.
A man asks how to let go of the sadness from choices and decisions he made in the past. Rupert suggests when possible, apologise to whomever we may have harmed. But if it’s not, we should know that we could not have acted in any other way due to your impersonal conditioning. There is no guilt and no forgiveness, which is the ultimate forgiveness for the separate self, which isn't there.
A man shares that a persistent feeling keeps coming up. Rupert suggests that he not be involved with the feeling but be interested in the one on whose behalf it arises. This is almost always a gradual process, unlike Ramana Maharshi, who went through it once. Most of us go through it many times, but every time we go back, we weaken the habit.
A man describes what he calls 'parasite emotions' that seem to take over in social situations. He just has to surrender, run away and cry. Rupert suggests that if the emotion happens regularly, find a way to stay as the open space of awareness and see how it dissolves and passes through. There is no need to contract. It's a habit to contract around the feelings.
A man shares that he struggles with expressing himself in a natural, spontaneous way. Rupert says that if he feels uncomfortable, just ask someone something even if it feels artificial. This opens the door, and then it will become more natural. It's also fine to sit and listen and be comfortable with that.
A woman shares that the morning’s meditation was great until the music started because it was so beautiful and full of longing, it pulled her from her meditation. Rupert suggests she can experience the music as an outpouring of longing or an outpouring of love. Longing is the gravitational pull of God’s love pulling us back home.
A woman reads a short piece by a Japanese nun to express her own experience. Everything she knew fell away, including her suffering. She asks if she is missing something. Rupert responds that her experience is familiar in that we're so involved in our everyday life prior to recognition, which leaves us with a feeling of peace that feels a bit arid. When the sorrow goes some of the more positive aspects of experience diminish as well. It is an intermediary phase; in time, it overflows as love in all experience. It will come back but less personally.
A woman, whose brother is mentally ill and sometimes violent, asks for help in learning to interact with him when necessary. Rupert affirms that in person, fear is an understandable response. When communicating by phone, he suggests she pause and go back to the open space of awareness in which all appearances arise, including the fear and the sound of her brother’s voice.
A man asks about 'the path of good intentions’ for improving his daily life, citing a gap between good intentions and what actually happens. Rupert suggests that we want our life to be governed by our love for truth and this understanding. Our actions are an expression of that, but surface thoughts are not always in alignment. Try to be in touch with your being and allow it to guide your actions as opposed to these surface thoughts, which will eventually have less power over your habitual behaviour. He suggests setting himself up for succes, such as not having unhealthy food in the house.
A man asks about the practicalities of decision-making and its relation to non-duality. Rupert suggests finding a way to make choices and decisions that come from peace, love and joy. Check to see if your decisions are in service of the qualities of your true nature.
A man says that his recent meditation experience answered the question, ‘What is it like to die?’ He asks about what the process for the dissolution of the fear that accompanies it, is. Rupert suggests that the process dissolves the separate self. If we were able to ask infinite being what its experience is of itself, there would be nothing that was other or finite. That is why we describe infinite being as love, in contrast to our sense of separation.
A man asks about the narrow perception of reality from the localised perspective of the separate self and whether it is a constraint on experience. Rupert replies that our senses present experience to us that is consistent with their limitations. The finite mind could not bear unmediated reality. The orange-coloured glasses filter reality. Rupert quotes from 'The Homage to William Blake’.
A man asks about a Balyani quote about ‘the falling away of the falling away’. Rupert suggests that the falling away is of the ego, but once the falling away of the ego happens, it makes no sense to speak of the ego falling away, because it is illusory. That is the falling away of the falling away.
A man says language creates limitations and asks about the 'I' which he confuses with the ego. Rupert suggests the words either go straight to your heart or not. Don't analyse or try to explain. Let it go. In addressing the 'I', he uses the metaphor of John Smith and King Lear to explain the uses of 'I' according to whom it refers, but it is the same 'I', the being of God's being. 'I' is the divine mantra, which takes us directly to God's presence in the heart. Rupert mentions nama rupa, sat chit ananda, with 'nama rupa' meaning divine name.
A man says he is lonely but seeks solitude to regenerate. However, he does want to share. Rupert says that being is alone, the separate self is lonely as a fragment. The remedy is to come to these retreats. Everyone will take care of your feelings of loneliness and unworthiness. Rupert shares his personal experience of attending Francis’s retreats.
A man asks if it is inevitable that a couple will break up if they don't share the understanding. Rupert says it is not inevitable. Someone may not have an interest in the teaching but have an intuitive understanding that is consistent with the understanding. It is possible for couples to remain together with or without the same interest in the teaching. He speaks of the spiritual, physical, intellectual and emotional aspects of relationship, and suggest three out of four are necessary for the relationship to survive.
A woman asks about war and those who are tortured in light of her loving-kindness meditation. Rupert suggests that the innate peace and joy of our being is available to all people under almost all circumstances, almost all the time. We must leave open the possibility that some experiences are too intense. Rupert recommends that she do the loving-kindness meditation for those she loves, then someone she is neutral toward, and then someone she dislikes and practise this loving kindness meditation with them.
A woman says that the retreat meditations have been like symphonies, and that she felt a huge sorrow that was not on behalf of the separate self but is a sorrow that she has carried her whole life. Rupert asks her, referring only to her current experience, to see if there is any sorrow to be found now. There is no sorrow in the now. There can be acknowledgment of humanity's sorrow, a sense of compassion for humanity, a kind of divine sadness pervaded by love.
A man wonders how enlightened beings can be in the presence of the sorrow of the world. Rupert suggests that it is not something that being defends itself against, just like the space of the room cannot be overcome by anything because of its utter openness.
A man asks how to let go of the sadness from choices and decisions he made in the past. Rupert suggests when possible, apologise to whomever we may have harmed. But if it’s not, we should know that we could not have acted in any other way due to your impersonal conditioning. There is no guilt and no forgiveness, which is the ultimate forgiveness for the separate self, which isn't there.
A man shares that a persistent feeling keeps coming up. Rupert suggests that he not be involved with the feeling but be interested in the one on whose behalf it arises. This is almost always a gradual process, unlike Ramana Maharshi, who went through it once. Most of us go through it many times, but every time we go back, we weaken the habit.
A man describes what he calls 'parasite emotions' that seem to take over in social situations. He just has to surrender, run away and cry. Rupert suggests that if the emotion happens regularly, find a way to stay as the open space of awareness and see how it dissolves and passes through. There is no need to contract. It's a habit to contract around the feelings.
A man shares that he struggles with expressing himself in a natural, spontaneous way. Rupert says that if he feels uncomfortable, just ask someone something even if it feels artificial. This opens the door, and then it will become more natural. It's also fine to sit and listen and be comfortable with that.