Grief, Relief and Guilt from the media Completely Open to All Experience
A woman shares that her mother died by suicide. She feels both grief and relief that she is no longer suffering, which makes her feel guilty. Rupert suggests she should not feel guilty about feeling okay; it’s what her mother would want. It is okay to be at peace with it.
- Duration: 5 minutes and 47 seconds
- Recorded on: Oct 15, 2022
- Event: Seven Day Retreat at Garrison Institute – 9th to 16th October
A man asks Rupert, 'How can I thank you?' Rupert shares a personal story of a man who helped him with his ceramic equipment who only charged him for materials. Rupert asked why and he told him a story about being helped by someone, who was helped by someone, who was helped by someone. When your time comes, help the next person.
A man asks if the silence he feels in meditation, which seems neutral, is that the peace and happiness to which Rupert refers. Rupert suggests that the next time he feels happy, go deeply into the experience to see what it really is. It's not an exuberant state, although there might be some relaxation in the body, which is an after effect. Happiness of your true nature is peace, a quiet joy. Don't expect happiness to be something amazing.
A man, who says he isn't inclined to have kids although most of his friends are having them now, wonders if this is selfish. Rupert responds that of all the activities a person can engage in, investigating their true nature is the least selfish activity, as it is not in service of the separate self. Any activity that expresses the qualities of this understanding is selfless.
A man shares that some ‘illusions’ or objects remain difficult and asks why. Rupert says those that are hard are the ones that we either really like or dislike. Our feelings concur concreteness on them.
A woman asks about the is-ness of everything and how that relates to Jane in the Mary and Jane metaphor. Rupert says that ultimately everything derives its is-ness from the same being. Jane is an illusion but has a reality to her. Mary also has the same reality of the one infinite consciousness. From the relative point of view Jane has less reality, but ultimately it's all the same, all equally real.
A man asks if he should be more present and not enjoy thinking so much. Rupert suggests that it’s perfectly okay to enjoy thoughts. Thinking is not at odds with being. The only thing you have to be careful of is that you aren’t following a train of thought to avoid something. Don't let the thinking obscure the 'I am'.
A woman asks about what happens when she comes to these retreats year after year, since she's experienced both illness and injury many times. Rupert suggests that when we get in touch with our deepest being, sometimes conditioning bubbles up. For some it comes through emotions, for others it’s physical.
A woman, who shares that she has a new romantic relationship with a man who doesn’t share the understanding, asks how she can help him. Rupert suggests finding a way to communicate her understanding to him. If his happiness is dependent on her, it will become heavy for her. Tailor the communication in a way that he can understand, provoking the least resistance.
A woman, who had the experience of the body dissolving during meditation, says the body seems so much more than sensations. Rupert says that it is more than sensations, but it is a manifestation of the mind. We experience the world in the form of perception, but the world is more than perceptions. It is the logos.
A woman, who says things that come up from the past in meditation, wonders how she can love her mother despite the fact that she hurt her. Rupert suggests that she loves her mother’s being, not her behaviour. Apply that same approach to those that enrage you in the world. Things come up doing meditation because we are completely open, and normally we have so many strategies to avoid these.
A man who says he is very hard on himself finds it hard to sit idle, even to the point where it affects his health because he doesn't take time to rest. His mind races when he tries to go to sleep. Rupert responds that the incessant thoughts that keep him awake seek to avoid an underlying feeling. Face the feelings underneath the thinking.
A man references a previous comment of Rupert’s about being and thinking. Rupert says that nothing is at odds with being. When you say ‘I am depressed’, there is the ‘I am’ and the temporary quality of depression. When we withdraw permission for the image to veil the screen, it ceases doing so. We see the screen.
A man asks about something Rupert used to talk about in the past, which was accepting everything that is happening exactly as it is. Rupert suggests that if we are completely open to all experience we are taking our stand as awareness. When we resist it, it is on behalf of the separate self.
A woman asks about empathy and maintaining a functional level of boundaries. Rupert suggests that it’s one thing to feel empathetic – to feel one’s suffering as your own – but what you do about it is another thing. You may or may not be able to do something. If there is nothing you can do directly, the best thing is to process your own suffering. Free yourself.
A woman who is a health coach asks if there are tools to use to help a couple work together. Rupert says one of the best ways he knows to deal with conflict is to feel yourself as the other. Literally feel what they're feeling and what it is like to be them.
A woman asks Rupert to talk about karma. Rupert says that karma is for the mind, not for the self. If we want to free ourself from karma, we take our stand as the self. She then asks about how to explain the suffering of children. Ruperts says he doesn’t know how to explain it.
A man asks for tools to deal with the external world. He lives alone in the forest so he's rarely challenged by the world. Be grateful for a beautiful life. As far as the tools for self-realisation, this morning's meditation was the tool for dealing with the outside world, the Tantric approach. Feel the is-ness of everything around you in the forest.
A man asks about whether the ego fights back the more one engages in spiritual practice. Rupert suggests there are two things that could happen. We could become more aware of those things that arise on behalf of the ego, or the more we abide as our self and the more redundant the ego becomes, it will then feel the imminence of its demise and come back with a vengeance. In this approach, we don’t get busy with the ego. We pay our attention to our true self.
A young woman says her mindfulness only lasts for so long and then she wants to stop and disappear. Rupert suggests that would be the most potent time to sit down and face the feeling of wanting to disappear. Face it for fifteen minutes and then do whatever you want.
A woman asks about how to interact with someone we can’t help. Rupert suggests that we can’t resolve another person’s suffering. It is their freedom. If we are suffering in a relationship, we have to be clear with ourself that the other person is not causing our suffering, and we are not the cause of theirs. This way, we no longer collude with their suffering.
A man talks about the difference between going into other people's suffering with them and pulling back. His mother does the former, and he tends towards the latter. Rupert suggests the ideal position in regards to other people's suffering is to remain present without being drawn in and yet not pulling away. No collusion or rejection, staying completely present.
A woman shares that her mother died by suicide. She feels both grief and relief that she is no longer suffering, which makes her feel guilty. Rupert suggests she should not feel guilty about feeling okay; it’s what her mother would want. It is okay to be at peace with it.
A man asks Rupert, 'How can I thank you?' Rupert shares a personal story of a man who helped him with his ceramic equipment who only charged him for materials. Rupert asked why and he told him a story about being helped by someone, who was helped by someone, who was helped by someone. When your time comes, help the next person.
A man asks if the silence he feels in meditation, which seems neutral, is that the peace and happiness to which Rupert refers. Rupert suggests that the next time he feels happy, go deeply into the experience to see what it really is. It's not an exuberant state, although there might be some relaxation in the body, which is an after effect. Happiness of your true nature is peace, a quiet joy. Don't expect happiness to be something amazing.
A man, who says he isn't inclined to have kids although most of his friends are having them now, wonders if this is selfish. Rupert responds that of all the activities a person can engage in, investigating their true nature is the least selfish activity, as it is not in service of the separate self. Any activity that expresses the qualities of this understanding is selfless.
A man shares that some ‘illusions’ or objects remain difficult and asks why. Rupert says those that are hard are the ones that we either really like or dislike. Our feelings concur concreteness on them.
A woman asks about the is-ness of everything and how that relates to Jane in the Mary and Jane metaphor. Rupert says that ultimately everything derives its is-ness from the same being. Jane is an illusion but has a reality to her. Mary also has the same reality of the one infinite consciousness. From the relative point of view Jane has less reality, but ultimately it's all the same, all equally real.
A man asks if he should be more present and not enjoy thinking so much. Rupert suggests that it’s perfectly okay to enjoy thoughts. Thinking is not at odds with being. The only thing you have to be careful of is that you aren’t following a train of thought to avoid something. Don't let the thinking obscure the 'I am'.
A woman asks about what happens when she comes to these retreats year after year, since she's experienced both illness and injury many times. Rupert suggests that when we get in touch with our deepest being, sometimes conditioning bubbles up. For some it comes through emotions, for others it’s physical.
A woman, who shares that she has a new romantic relationship with a man who doesn’t share the understanding, asks how she can help him. Rupert suggests finding a way to communicate her understanding to him. If his happiness is dependent on her, it will become heavy for her. Tailor the communication in a way that he can understand, provoking the least resistance.
A woman, who had the experience of the body dissolving during meditation, says the body seems so much more than sensations. Rupert says that it is more than sensations, but it is a manifestation of the mind. We experience the world in the form of perception, but the world is more than perceptions. It is the logos.
A woman, who says things that come up from the past in meditation, wonders how she can love her mother despite the fact that she hurt her. Rupert suggests that she loves her mother’s being, not her behaviour. Apply that same approach to those that enrage you in the world. Things come up doing meditation because we are completely open, and normally we have so many strategies to avoid these.
A man who says he is very hard on himself finds it hard to sit idle, even to the point where it affects his health because he doesn't take time to rest. His mind races when he tries to go to sleep. Rupert responds that the incessant thoughts that keep him awake seek to avoid an underlying feeling. Face the feelings underneath the thinking.
A man references a previous comment of Rupert’s about being and thinking. Rupert says that nothing is at odds with being. When you say ‘I am depressed’, there is the ‘I am’ and the temporary quality of depression. When we withdraw permission for the image to veil the screen, it ceases doing so. We see the screen.
A man asks about something Rupert used to talk about in the past, which was accepting everything that is happening exactly as it is. Rupert suggests that if we are completely open to all experience we are taking our stand as awareness. When we resist it, it is on behalf of the separate self.
A woman asks about empathy and maintaining a functional level of boundaries. Rupert suggests that it’s one thing to feel empathetic – to feel one’s suffering as your own – but what you do about it is another thing. You may or may not be able to do something. If there is nothing you can do directly, the best thing is to process your own suffering. Free yourself.
A woman who is a health coach asks if there are tools to use to help a couple work together. Rupert says one of the best ways he knows to deal with conflict is to feel yourself as the other. Literally feel what they're feeling and what it is like to be them.
A woman asks Rupert to talk about karma. Rupert says that karma is for the mind, not for the self. If we want to free ourself from karma, we take our stand as the self. She then asks about how to explain the suffering of children. Ruperts says he doesn’t know how to explain it.
A man asks for tools to deal with the external world. He lives alone in the forest so he's rarely challenged by the world. Be grateful for a beautiful life. As far as the tools for self-realisation, this morning's meditation was the tool for dealing with the outside world, the Tantric approach. Feel the is-ness of everything around you in the forest.
A man asks about whether the ego fights back the more one engages in spiritual practice. Rupert suggests there are two things that could happen. We could become more aware of those things that arise on behalf of the ego, or the more we abide as our self and the more redundant the ego becomes, it will then feel the imminence of its demise and come back with a vengeance. In this approach, we don’t get busy with the ego. We pay our attention to our true self.
A young woman says her mindfulness only lasts for so long and then she wants to stop and disappear. Rupert suggests that would be the most potent time to sit down and face the feeling of wanting to disappear. Face it for fifteen minutes and then do whatever you want.
A woman asks about how to interact with someone we can’t help. Rupert suggests that we can’t resolve another person’s suffering. It is their freedom. If we are suffering in a relationship, we have to be clear with ourself that the other person is not causing our suffering, and we are not the cause of theirs. This way, we no longer collude with their suffering.
A man talks about the difference between going into other people's suffering with them and pulling back. His mother does the former, and he tends towards the latter. Rupert suggests the ideal position in regards to other people's suffering is to remain present without being drawn in and yet not pulling away. No collusion or rejection, staying completely present.
A woman shares that her mother died by suicide. She feels both grief and relief that she is no longer suffering, which makes her feel guilty. Rupert suggests she should not feel guilty about feeling okay; it’s what her mother would want. It is okay to be at peace with it.