What is the Primary Wound in the Heart? from the media Melancholy of the Heart
A man who experienced trauma growing up wonders if the broken heart he feels is primal or if it’s something else. Rupert suggests that it’s deeper than the trauma you grew up with. The initial sense of separation is more primal than the childhood trauma. The trauma feeds it. The initial separation or contraction is like a tension in the heart, and that tension slowly relaxes.
- Duration: 4 minutes and 15 seconds
- Recorded on: Mar 31, 2022
- Event: Seven Day Retreat at Garrison Institute – 27th March to 3rd April
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A woman says she experienced a lot of suffering from viewing the movie, The Postman, at the retreat, because of demeaning sexist stereotypes she saw. Rupert responds that he never noticed the stereotypes, as he's so focused on the beauty, poetry, character study and relationships, but he agrees we all have a duty to act according to love and understanding.
A woman who is witnessing her mother move through dementia feels that she is experiencing a death and dying for both of them. Rupert shares that his mother has dementia and, at first, he sensed resistance to this. Now, he enters into her world and doesn’t insist that she be in his. Her mind is dissolving.
A woman asks, ‘Are memories thoughts?’ Rupert says that memoires are thoughts. If we didn’t have our memory, would we even know who we are? So much of our identity is invested in our past. In the end it will just be being to being, no content at all.
A man says he experiences an existential longing like a melancholy of the heart and is turning to God almost in panic at the thought of losing God. Rupert responds that in an earlier meditation, the goal was to experience the core wound of the heart, the sense of lack or sorrow that nothing can satisfy. Most try hard to avoid that feeling, even a spiritual path is a subtle avoidance. The meditation was meant to face and precipitate that crisis so that it can be seen and known rather than avoided.
In reference to allowing the longing to recede into being, a man asks if there is fear involved in the resistance to this. Rupert suggests that the ego will even co-opt that. Any doing perpetuates the one that does it, and that is not infinite being.
A man references another teacher he has studied with who has said, ‘trust in awareness and don’t believe in thoughts’. He asks if that is what Rupert means by abiding in awareness. Rupert says that he understands what that saying means, but he doesn’t feel connected to it, it doesn’t touch his heart.
A man asks if what is coming now in the teaching is a stage that Rupert went through with his time with Francis Lucille. Rupert says, ‘No, I am going through it now. It came unsolicited. I am not referencing the past.’
A woman speaks of struggling with letting go of the devotion she has for Rupert and other teachers and feels the need to apologise for her attachment to the teacher(s). She now sees that it is like the final disappointment, which manifested as anger initially. Rupert responds that she is not the flower to his sun; she is the sun. It is important to turn that projection around and shine it back towards the student, and that he, Rupert, feels more like a friend than a teacher.
A man who is open to romantic relationship again asks about the habit of objectifying others. Rupert suggests that we tend to see others as we see ourselves, a separate being. If we touch base with our self and feel that the one we are talking to is the same being, then relate to that one. The fact that you’ve seen this in yourself is enough.
A woman says she has a difficult relationship with her mother who recently separated from her father, and now she is worried about her because she suffered from abuse in the relationship. This was passed on to her daughters, and she asks how to help her, though it feels complicated. Rupert suggests that to best help her mother she needs to be free of her own suffering and guilt. Sympathy perpetuates suffering. Liberate yourself from her mother's and your own suffering and understand that what you are is already free of suffering. Rupert shares a story of creating boundaries with his own mother.
A man who experienced trauma growing up wonders if the broken heart he feels is primal or if it’s something else. Rupert suggests that it’s deeper than the trauma you grew up with. The initial sense of separation is more primal than the childhood trauma. The trauma feeds it. The initial separation or contraction is like a tension in the heart, and that tension slowly relaxes.
A man references distance from suffering and how the closer it comes the less poignant it is. Rupert suggests that suffering can only start when we resist and push it away. When you bring an object close, you can no longer name it as an object. This welcoming of feelings is the inevitable consequence of resting. We can start by resting in being, or we can start by welcoming.
A woman asks for clarification about the various pathways. Rupert responds that he mentioned the path of the individual and the path of the absolute. We give the individual something to do, to practise. In the absolute or pathless path, there is no path, we go straight to the truth. The intermediary path is Shakti, which is a subset of the path of the individual in that it gives us something to do. Both the direct and the progressive path are the path of the individual. In the progressive path we say to King Lear, 'Your attention is all over the place’, and give him a mantra to corral the mind. Or we say, 'Ask yourself who are you?' and he goes deeper into himself and his attributes and feelings. He then realises 'I am John Smith’. John Smith does not need to do anything. That is the absolute path of Shiva. Self-enquiry is the highest path for the individual.
A woman talks about her path to these teachings and asks if Rupert can clarify what ‘following desire’ means. Rupert asks her what she wants, and she answers, ‘happiness’. Rupert replies, ‘Yes that’s the direct path’. We go straight for happiness, which is the nature of being.
A man wonders if he turns his back on his longing out of fear since the only thing he trusts is 'me’. Rupert suggests since he is using the word 'I' so frequently he might want to investigate what that 'I' really is. Soften the focus of attention from the content of experience and go to his being, the most obvious, intimate, familiar experience. There's nothing to do or practise, it is 'I' who is doing whatever is happening. The feeling of being is obvious rather than special.
A woman says she experienced a lot of suffering from viewing the movie, The Postman, at the retreat, because of demeaning sexist stereotypes she saw. Rupert responds that he never noticed the stereotypes, as he's so focused on the beauty, poetry, character study and relationships, but he agrees we all have a duty to act according to love and understanding.
A woman who is witnessing her mother move through dementia feels that she is experiencing a death and dying for both of them. Rupert shares that his mother has dementia and, at first, he sensed resistance to this. Now, he enters into her world and doesn’t insist that she be in his. Her mind is dissolving.
A woman asks, ‘Are memories thoughts?’ Rupert says that memoires are thoughts. If we didn’t have our memory, would we even know who we are? So much of our identity is invested in our past. In the end it will just be being to being, no content at all.
A man says he experiences an existential longing like a melancholy of the heart and is turning to God almost in panic at the thought of losing God. Rupert responds that in an earlier meditation, the goal was to experience the core wound of the heart, the sense of lack or sorrow that nothing can satisfy. Most try hard to avoid that feeling, even a spiritual path is a subtle avoidance. The meditation was meant to face and precipitate that crisis so that it can be seen and known rather than avoided.
In reference to allowing the longing to recede into being, a man asks if there is fear involved in the resistance to this. Rupert suggests that the ego will even co-opt that. Any doing perpetuates the one that does it, and that is not infinite being.
A man references another teacher he has studied with who has said, ‘trust in awareness and don’t believe in thoughts’. He asks if that is what Rupert means by abiding in awareness. Rupert says that he understands what that saying means, but he doesn’t feel connected to it, it doesn’t touch his heart.
A man asks if what is coming now in the teaching is a stage that Rupert went through with his time with Francis Lucille. Rupert says, ‘No, I am going through it now. It came unsolicited. I am not referencing the past.’
A woman speaks of struggling with letting go of the devotion she has for Rupert and other teachers and feels the need to apologise for her attachment to the teacher(s). She now sees that it is like the final disappointment, which manifested as anger initially. Rupert responds that she is not the flower to his sun; she is the sun. It is important to turn that projection around and shine it back towards the student, and that he, Rupert, feels more like a friend than a teacher.
A man who is open to romantic relationship again asks about the habit of objectifying others. Rupert suggests that we tend to see others as we see ourselves, a separate being. If we touch base with our self and feel that the one we are talking to is the same being, then relate to that one. The fact that you’ve seen this in yourself is enough.
A woman says she has a difficult relationship with her mother who recently separated from her father, and now she is worried about her because she suffered from abuse in the relationship. This was passed on to her daughters, and she asks how to help her, though it feels complicated. Rupert suggests that to best help her mother she needs to be free of her own suffering and guilt. Sympathy perpetuates suffering. Liberate yourself from her mother's and your own suffering and understand that what you are is already free of suffering. Rupert shares a story of creating boundaries with his own mother.
A man who experienced trauma growing up wonders if the broken heart he feels is primal or if it’s something else. Rupert suggests that it’s deeper than the trauma you grew up with. The initial sense of separation is more primal than the childhood trauma. The trauma feeds it. The initial separation or contraction is like a tension in the heart, and that tension slowly relaxes.
A man references distance from suffering and how the closer it comes the less poignant it is. Rupert suggests that suffering can only start when we resist and push it away. When you bring an object close, you can no longer name it as an object. This welcoming of feelings is the inevitable consequence of resting. We can start by resting in being, or we can start by welcoming.
A woman asks for clarification about the various pathways. Rupert responds that he mentioned the path of the individual and the path of the absolute. We give the individual something to do, to practise. In the absolute or pathless path, there is no path, we go straight to the truth. The intermediary path is Shakti, which is a subset of the path of the individual in that it gives us something to do. Both the direct and the progressive path are the path of the individual. In the progressive path we say to King Lear, 'Your attention is all over the place’, and give him a mantra to corral the mind. Or we say, 'Ask yourself who are you?' and he goes deeper into himself and his attributes and feelings. He then realises 'I am John Smith’. John Smith does not need to do anything. That is the absolute path of Shiva. Self-enquiry is the highest path for the individual.
A woman talks about her path to these teachings and asks if Rupert can clarify what ‘following desire’ means. Rupert asks her what she wants, and she answers, ‘happiness’. Rupert replies, ‘Yes that’s the direct path’. We go straight for happiness, which is the nature of being.
A man wonders if he turns his back on his longing out of fear since the only thing he trusts is 'me’. Rupert suggests since he is using the word 'I' so frequently he might want to investigate what that 'I' really is. Soften the focus of attention from the content of experience and go to his being, the most obvious, intimate, familiar experience. There's nothing to do or practise, it is 'I' who is doing whatever is happening. The feeling of being is obvious rather than special.