What Is True Self-Love? from the media Make Being Your Home

A man asks for advice regarding his struggle to establish a habit of formal meditation. Rupert replies by asking how much effort it requires to be. What we do here is just being, resting as the ‘I am.’ To call it meditation is really too much; it’s just being.

A woman shares she’s been diagnosed with anxiety. Rupert points out that to heal is to get in contact with that which is whole, complete; that is ultimate healing. He guides the woman in self-enquiry, asking her to go to her being. That’s the deep healing we speak of here. If you make being your home, anxiety will eventually leave you.

A man seeking fulfillment and happiness asks Rupert for a comment. Rupert replies that our being is the source of happiness. The acquisition of an object seems to make you happy because the seeking comes to an end. We wrongly attribute the happiness to the object. If you want stable fulfillment, lasting peace, and happiness, you have to go where it lives – in your being.

A woman seeks advice on the best way to support her loved one, who is currently suffering from emotional abuse. Rupert recommends that she should strive to keep in touch with them, despite the fact they are in a cult-like situation, isolated from the outside world’s perspective. He emphasises that her connection is a lifeline to sanity, underscoring the importance of maintaining this vital contact.

A man asks about nirvikalpa samadhi, wondering if simply being leads to the cessation of thinking. Rupert replies that he has been describing ‘non-meditation’ all weekend. Nirvikalpa samadhi is a state of mind; the nature of being is not a state. Nirvikalpa samadhi is no more significant than the taste of tea. Simple being is the nature of the mind in all states. What we do here is not about focusing the mind but about recognising the nature of the mind.

A woman asks how not to get triggered by her partner. Rupert suggests that it is the mind that reacts to her partner’s thoughts and feelings. To not react is just to be the space of awareness. Whatever her partner does, she just lets it flow by. Rupert leads a little experiment in which he pretends to insult the color of the woman’s sweater. At first, she reacts as a person, and then as awareness. Standing as awareness gives the relationship the best possible chance to get back to peace and love.

A man asks about the thought ‘I am’, noting that he can only abide as awareness when he lets that thought go. Rupert says that when we say ‘I am’, we refer to an experience. Just say the thought ‘I am’ once, and then leave and go to your being. ‘I am’ is like a beacon that indicates the direction to go in. `I am' is like a clarion call. It gathers all our attention, and then we let it go.

A woman, realising that she is ‘I am’ but still forgets it from time to time, asks how to go deeper into being. Rupert explains that getting distracted is a habit. Now she can make a habit of going back to being, herself. Every time we go to our being, the pull of the mind gets weaker and weaker, and going to being becomes easier and easier.

A man asks if there is duality in saying ‘I am’. Rupert replies that ‘I am’ refers to just being. It’s true that when one says ‘rest in being’, it suggests that you are an entity that may or may not rest in being. It is more accurate to say ‘resting as being.’ It is what you essentially are. Just be yourself, the fact of being, or being aware.

A woman asks about the question ‘Are you aware right now?’ and whether most people reply from the ‘perspective of King Lear’. Rupert explains that if we were to go on stage and ask King Lear about his relationship with his daughters or the war in France, he would reply as King Lear. However, if asked, ‘are you aware right now?’ he would reply as John Smith. When he went to the experience of being aware, he was John Smith, but the answer came in the form of a thought, ‘yes’, in King Lear’s mind.

A man going through a divorce asks about accessing intuition. Rupert replies that intuition comes from deep within us and often stands the test of time. After asking a few questions about the man’s situation, Rupert advises him to wait before deciding whether to proceed with the divorce. Don’t reason it out, just listen quietly to your heart.

A woman, who is a meditation teacher, urges Rupert to create a teacher’s training program. Rupert rebuts, stating he couldn’t do that because he wouldn’t know what to teach; he doesn’t have a program or method. He explains his process of spontaneous teaching: he simply closes his eyes and starts. That is the best advice he could give.

A man facing a significant health challenge shares his experience and asks for advice. Rupert, unable to comment on the disease itself, advises the man to find a place within himself that has never been wounded. Our being, the deepest aspect of ourselves, remains untouched. He suggests taking refuge in being from time to time.

A woman with PTSD asks how to return to being amidst intense emotional flashbacks. Rupert replies that the best approach is to abide as being during normal, benign and easy circumstances, just like at this retreat. He advises making the best possible use of times that are relatively benign and easy. To the extent that you are able to remain as being under those circumstances, you may find that, as circumstances become more demanding, fewer and fewer experiences retain the power to take you away from yourself.

A woman who practices Catholicism asks about the true meaning of the Trinity of the Father, Son, and the Holy Spirit. Rupert replies that the important thing to realise is that the Father and the Son are one and the same in their essence, just like the space in a room and infinite space. Then, the Holy Spirit would be the grace that enables us to recognise that the finite being is God’s infinite being.

A long-time meditator questions the meaning of a sadness he experiences for no apparent reason during meditation. Rupert suggests that this is a kind of sacred sadness; it’s not personal. It’s like feeling the collective sorrow of humanity, which makes you cry because it breaks your heart. It’s really compassion, it’s love.

A woman, acknowledging the effortless nature of being, asks how to reconcile this understanding with daily life, which often seems to require considerable effort. Rupert replies that the more in contact you are with the peace of your true nature, the more your egoic drive in the world subsides. Any activities that you previously engaged in, driven by this egoic drive, tends to diminish. There is nothing more valuable you can contribute to the world than your peace.

A man asks about Rupert’s use of the word ‘knowingly’. Rupert replies using a metaphor of the movie and the screen. Just like during this conversation, we can be both aware of the conversation and the fact of being aware, similar to watching a movie while seeing the screen. You can still be fully engaged in the world without the contents of experience obscuring the fact of being aware.

A woman, experiencing a certain level of peace, still harbours doubts about whether we are truly not separate from each other. Rupert proposes a weeklong experiment to shift her perspective: Instead of presuming, as she has for most of her life, that she is separate from the world, she should, for one week, assume that her being is universal, infinite and therefore shared. She should consider that everything is an appearance of the infinite being that she is.

A man asks for advice regarding his struggle to establish a habit of formal meditation. Rupert replies by asking how much effort it requires to be. What we do here is just being, resting as the ‘I am.’ To call it meditation is really too much; it’s just being.

A woman shares she’s been diagnosed with anxiety. Rupert points out that to heal is to get in contact with that which is whole, complete; that is ultimate healing. He guides the woman in self-enquiry, asking her to go to her being. That’s the deep healing we speak of here. If you make being your home, anxiety will eventually leave you.

A man seeking fulfillment and happiness asks Rupert for a comment. Rupert replies that our being is the source of happiness. The acquisition of an object seems to make you happy because the seeking comes to an end. We wrongly attribute the happiness to the object. If you want stable fulfillment, lasting peace, and happiness, you have to go where it lives – in your being.

A woman seeks advice on the best way to support her loved one, who is currently suffering from emotional abuse. Rupert recommends that she should strive to keep in touch with them, despite the fact they are in a cult-like situation, isolated from the outside world’s perspective. He emphasises that her connection is a lifeline to sanity, underscoring the importance of maintaining this vital contact.

A man asks about nirvikalpa samadhi, wondering if simply being leads to the cessation of thinking. Rupert replies that he has been describing ‘non-meditation’ all weekend. Nirvikalpa samadhi is a state of mind; the nature of being is not a state. Nirvikalpa samadhi is no more significant than the taste of tea. Simple being is the nature of the mind in all states. What we do here is not about focusing the mind but about recognising the nature of the mind.

A woman asks how not to get triggered by her partner. Rupert suggests that it is the mind that reacts to her partner’s thoughts and feelings. To not react is just to be the space of awareness. Whatever her partner does, she just lets it flow by. Rupert leads a little experiment in which he pretends to insult the color of the woman’s sweater. At first, she reacts as a person, and then as awareness. Standing as awareness gives the relationship the best possible chance to get back to peace and love.

A man asks about the thought ‘I am’, noting that he can only abide as awareness when he lets that thought go. Rupert says that when we say ‘I am’, we refer to an experience. Just say the thought ‘I am’ once, and then leave and go to your being. ‘I am’ is like a beacon that indicates the direction to go in. `I am' is like a clarion call. It gathers all our attention, and then we let it go.

A woman, realising that she is ‘I am’ but still forgets it from time to time, asks how to go deeper into being. Rupert explains that getting distracted is a habit. Now she can make a habit of going back to being, herself. Every time we go to our being, the pull of the mind gets weaker and weaker, and going to being becomes easier and easier.

A man asks if there is duality in saying ‘I am’. Rupert replies that ‘I am’ refers to just being. It’s true that when one says ‘rest in being’, it suggests that you are an entity that may or may not rest in being. It is more accurate to say ‘resting as being.’ It is what you essentially are. Just be yourself, the fact of being, or being aware.

A woman asks about the question ‘Are you aware right now?’ and whether most people reply from the ‘perspective of King Lear’. Rupert explains that if we were to go on stage and ask King Lear about his relationship with his daughters or the war in France, he would reply as King Lear. However, if asked, ‘are you aware right now?’ he would reply as John Smith. When he went to the experience of being aware, he was John Smith, but the answer came in the form of a thought, ‘yes’, in King Lear’s mind.

A man going through a divorce asks about accessing intuition. Rupert replies that intuition comes from deep within us and often stands the test of time. After asking a few questions about the man’s situation, Rupert advises him to wait before deciding whether to proceed with the divorce. Don’t reason it out, just listen quietly to your heart.

A woman, who is a meditation teacher, urges Rupert to create a teacher’s training program. Rupert rebuts, stating he couldn’t do that because he wouldn’t know what to teach; he doesn’t have a program or method. He explains his process of spontaneous teaching: he simply closes his eyes and starts. That is the best advice he could give.

A man facing a significant health challenge shares his experience and asks for advice. Rupert, unable to comment on the disease itself, advises the man to find a place within himself that has never been wounded. Our being, the deepest aspect of ourselves, remains untouched. He suggests taking refuge in being from time to time.

A woman with PTSD asks how to return to being amidst intense emotional flashbacks. Rupert replies that the best approach is to abide as being during normal, benign and easy circumstances, just like at this retreat. He advises making the best possible use of times that are relatively benign and easy. To the extent that you are able to remain as being under those circumstances, you may find that, as circumstances become more demanding, fewer and fewer experiences retain the power to take you away from yourself.

A woman who practices Catholicism asks about the true meaning of the Trinity of the Father, Son, and the Holy Spirit. Rupert replies that the important thing to realise is that the Father and the Son are one and the same in their essence, just like the space in a room and infinite space. Then, the Holy Spirit would be the grace that enables us to recognise that the finite being is God’s infinite being.

A long-time meditator questions the meaning of a sadness he experiences for no apparent reason during meditation. Rupert suggests that this is a kind of sacred sadness; it’s not personal. It’s like feeling the collective sorrow of humanity, which makes you cry because it breaks your heart. It’s really compassion, it’s love.

A woman, acknowledging the effortless nature of being, asks how to reconcile this understanding with daily life, which often seems to require considerable effort. Rupert replies that the more in contact you are with the peace of your true nature, the more your egoic drive in the world subsides. Any activities that you previously engaged in, driven by this egoic drive, tends to diminish. There is nothing more valuable you can contribute to the world than your peace.

A man asks about Rupert’s use of the word ‘knowingly’. Rupert replies using a metaphor of the movie and the screen. Just like during this conversation, we can be both aware of the conversation and the fact of being aware, similar to watching a movie while seeing the screen. You can still be fully engaged in the world without the contents of experience obscuring the fact of being aware.

A woman, experiencing a certain level of peace, still harbours doubts about whether we are truly not separate from each other. Rupert proposes a weeklong experiment to shift her perspective: Instead of presuming, as she has for most of her life, that she is separate from the world, she should, for one week, assume that her being is universal, infinite and therefore shared. She should consider that everything is an appearance of the infinite being that she is.