Dealing with a Difficult Relationship with Estranged Son from the media Actions that Arise from Love and Understanding
A woman asks for help in dealing with the difficult emotions around her youngest son with whom she has been estranged for decades due to divorce. Rupert asks questions about the details such as the relationship with the ex-husband and tells a personal story about his relationship with his son, who is the same age, after he divorced his mother. He suggests freeing herself from her son's rejection on her own, because at some level the son would receive that message and may reciprocate.
- Duration: 13 minutes and 11 seconds
- Recorded on: Mar 24, 2022
- Event: Seven Day Retreat at Mercy Center, CA – 18th to 25th March
A question is asked about grace in the non-dual framework. Rupert responds that grace can be defined as the gravitational pull that infinite being exerts on itself when it seems to have become a temporary finite self.
A woman asks for help in dealing with the difficult emotions around her youngest son with whom she has been estranged for decades due to divorce. Rupert asks questions about the details such as the relationship with the ex-husband and tells a personal story about his relationship with his son, who is the same age, after he divorced his mother. He suggests freeing herself from her son's rejection on her own, because at some level the son would receive that message and may reciprocate.
A question is asked about free will. Rupert uses the analogy of John Smith and King Lear to point out that it's not that King Lear doesn't have free will; it is that he doesn't exist to have or not have free will.
A man asks about his pending decision to retire from his job as a psychotherapist – he’s having a hard time deciding. He asks about how much we owe to the world. Rupert responds that our first duty is to God, not to the world.
How do we determine if our actions are informed by truth or come from the heart? Especially those that seem to have a pull on us to respond in a certain way. Rupert uses the example of an emergency that happened during the retreat, whereby most responded from the heart, and those who had the skills, such as a doctor, acted because he could help.
Are we given what we need to respond? Rupert responds that every time we respond to a situation we learn and become more and more effective in our responses. If we are simple rather than overthink our actions, we become more refined and become better instruments as a way of responding.
A man asks for Rupert's insights around the use of psychedelics and the insights they bring. Rupert responds that he has never used psychedelics as part of his commitment to his early training, but from what he's heard from friends, profound insights can be gained from psychedelics. However, it seems a long way around when you can go directly to your being. If you are more interested in your mind, psychedelics may be helpful, but if you're interested in your true nature, you can go directly there any time.
A woman who experienced a deep trauma three years ago, feels as if it interferes with abidance because it's affecting her nervous system. Rupert suggests that in theory, all that is required is to rest in being and the nervous system gradually comes to rest. Sometimes the system has been so traumatised that it needs a little extra help. In this case, we calm the system enough to rest in the open space of awareness. When triggered and in a heightened state of anxiety, it is useful to at least go halfway and rest in some activity that is calming for the body, like yoga or an activity that engages you physically that we enjoy and is calming.
A question is asked about following the heart over the mind. Rupert responds that it depends upon the circumstance in that sometimes it's useful to come from the head rather than the heart, so we have to come to know ourself and be flexible.
A woman asks about relating to her self-centred father in that her inner child gets triggered no matter where he is coming from. Is taking care of these triggers too much attention paid to the separate self? Rupert suggests that therapy can help with some of the deeper issues that trigger us and that it is not an egoic desire to find a way to deal with these deeper issues. The ego is so clever as to appropriate old patterns to revert to behaviours that come from a sense of separation.
A question is asked about the alternative treatment called Family Constellations. Rupert responds that he has never heard anything negative about Family Constellations and energetic treatment for the body.
A man says his body twitches and jerks during meditation except when he is leading the meditations, and he wonders if there is a switch that turns off when he leads meditation. Rupert asks if the jerks are problematic, and when he responds that they are, Rupert agrees with the man's assessment; that they are contractions that are releasing as he sinks into being.
If we are all a part of the same being, don't we have a responsibility to others, to the suffering that exists in the world? Rupert responds yes, and speaks of the only moral precept, which comes from Saint Augustine, 'Love and do what makes you happy'.
A question is asked about the idea of penetrating negative emotions and how that works when we forget God's being. Rupert responds that forgetting cuts us off and our actions reflect that in unkind, unjust behaviours like hatred, which is the veiling of love. We feel that the other is separate from us. He suggests that hatred is directed toward another, but depression is towards our self. Depression requires going inward; hatred requires something like holding an image of that person, the imagined other, and replacing it with the image of a loved one until the feeling of love is equalised by the love that is present.
How does the teaching fit in to our lives? What is its purpose? How does effort fit in? Rupert replies that the purpose to the teaching is to remove the feeling of being separate; it's not to create anything but to realise how we have covered or forgotten our being. The removal of that which seems to stand between the belief in separation and our true nature, a laying bare of what is already here but seemingly hidden beneath a layer of beliefs and feelings. Rupert leads the questioner in self-inquiry to help him to see the effortlessness in noticing our true nature.
A man describes his intense need to meditate because of suffering and his desire to 'get there’. Rupert suggests that he notice that the 'I' that is suffering and the 'I' that wants to get there is always here. He suggests the repetition of the prayer 'I am free’.
A woman talks about the eruption of a kind of physical and emotional contraction that she feels happens at a precipice and asks if it is the ego. Rupert suggests that it is like the realisation of the moth as it's headed towards the flame and its own death, or it could be simply a knot of tension releasing as a spasm, whether physical or verbal. These will dissipate in the sea of open awareness.
A woman asks how to reconcile the idea that infinite being is not impacted by our finite shenanigans and that awareness can be hurt. Rupert responds that awareness cannot be hurt; it's not possible as it always open and defenceless and at peace.
A woman reports on the lessening of being terrorised by her thoughts because of her awareness of a thought as it arises. Rupert replies that it is good if this can be recognised before the thought formulates and then the agitated feelings will subsequently die down.
A question is asked about effort and the metaphor of John Smith and King Lear. Rupert responds that King Lear doesn't exist, so he doesn't really have anything to do. However, sometimes the teaching gives King Lear a suggestion, 'I am' John Smith. Rupert leads the questioner in self-enquiry to discover this 'I am', or the feeling of being, and how effortless this recognition is.
A man relates how he has come to understand that there is nothing but John Smith and how the layers are removed, revealing more refined points of view. Rupert responds that King Lear is only a point of view from John Smith, as we are all localised points of view. He uses the analogy of becoming immersed in a 3-D movie when wearing the goggles and how that compares to deep sleep. We are all localisations of infinite consciousness which makes us feel separate. As soon as we take off the goggles, the feeling of being separate, the immersion, disappears.
A question is asked about grace in the non-dual framework. Rupert responds that grace can be defined as the gravitational pull that infinite being exerts on itself when it seems to have become a temporary finite self.
A woman asks for help in dealing with the difficult emotions around her youngest son with whom she has been estranged for decades due to divorce. Rupert asks questions about the details such as the relationship with the ex-husband and tells a personal story about his relationship with his son, who is the same age, after he divorced his mother. He suggests freeing herself from her son's rejection on her own, because at some level the son would receive that message and may reciprocate.
A question is asked about free will. Rupert uses the analogy of John Smith and King Lear to point out that it's not that King Lear doesn't have free will; it is that he doesn't exist to have or not have free will.
A man asks about his pending decision to retire from his job as a psychotherapist – he’s having a hard time deciding. He asks about how much we owe to the world. Rupert responds that our first duty is to God, not to the world.
How do we determine if our actions are informed by truth or come from the heart? Especially those that seem to have a pull on us to respond in a certain way. Rupert uses the example of an emergency that happened during the retreat, whereby most responded from the heart, and those who had the skills, such as a doctor, acted because he could help.
Are we given what we need to respond? Rupert responds that every time we respond to a situation we learn and become more and more effective in our responses. If we are simple rather than overthink our actions, we become more refined and become better instruments as a way of responding.
A man asks for Rupert's insights around the use of psychedelics and the insights they bring. Rupert responds that he has never used psychedelics as part of his commitment to his early training, but from what he's heard from friends, profound insights can be gained from psychedelics. However, it seems a long way around when you can go directly to your being. If you are more interested in your mind, psychedelics may be helpful, but if you're interested in your true nature, you can go directly there any time.
A woman who experienced a deep trauma three years ago, feels as if it interferes with abidance because it's affecting her nervous system. Rupert suggests that in theory, all that is required is to rest in being and the nervous system gradually comes to rest. Sometimes the system has been so traumatised that it needs a little extra help. In this case, we calm the system enough to rest in the open space of awareness. When triggered and in a heightened state of anxiety, it is useful to at least go halfway and rest in some activity that is calming for the body, like yoga or an activity that engages you physically that we enjoy and is calming.
A question is asked about following the heart over the mind. Rupert responds that it depends upon the circumstance in that sometimes it's useful to come from the head rather than the heart, so we have to come to know ourself and be flexible.
A woman asks about relating to her self-centred father in that her inner child gets triggered no matter where he is coming from. Is taking care of these triggers too much attention paid to the separate self? Rupert suggests that therapy can help with some of the deeper issues that trigger us and that it is not an egoic desire to find a way to deal with these deeper issues. The ego is so clever as to appropriate old patterns to revert to behaviours that come from a sense of separation.
A question is asked about the alternative treatment called Family Constellations. Rupert responds that he has never heard anything negative about Family Constellations and energetic treatment for the body.
A man says his body twitches and jerks during meditation except when he is leading the meditations, and he wonders if there is a switch that turns off when he leads meditation. Rupert asks if the jerks are problematic, and when he responds that they are, Rupert agrees with the man's assessment; that they are contractions that are releasing as he sinks into being.
If we are all a part of the same being, don't we have a responsibility to others, to the suffering that exists in the world? Rupert responds yes, and speaks of the only moral precept, which comes from Saint Augustine, 'Love and do what makes you happy'.
A question is asked about the idea of penetrating negative emotions and how that works when we forget God's being. Rupert responds that forgetting cuts us off and our actions reflect that in unkind, unjust behaviours like hatred, which is the veiling of love. We feel that the other is separate from us. He suggests that hatred is directed toward another, but depression is towards our self. Depression requires going inward; hatred requires something like holding an image of that person, the imagined other, and replacing it with the image of a loved one until the feeling of love is equalised by the love that is present.
How does the teaching fit in to our lives? What is its purpose? How does effort fit in? Rupert replies that the purpose to the teaching is to remove the feeling of being separate; it's not to create anything but to realise how we have covered or forgotten our being. The removal of that which seems to stand between the belief in separation and our true nature, a laying bare of what is already here but seemingly hidden beneath a layer of beliefs and feelings. Rupert leads the questioner in self-inquiry to help him to see the effortlessness in noticing our true nature.
A man describes his intense need to meditate because of suffering and his desire to 'get there’. Rupert suggests that he notice that the 'I' that is suffering and the 'I' that wants to get there is always here. He suggests the repetition of the prayer 'I am free’.
A woman talks about the eruption of a kind of physical and emotional contraction that she feels happens at a precipice and asks if it is the ego. Rupert suggests that it is like the realisation of the moth as it's headed towards the flame and its own death, or it could be simply a knot of tension releasing as a spasm, whether physical or verbal. These will dissipate in the sea of open awareness.
A woman asks how to reconcile the idea that infinite being is not impacted by our finite shenanigans and that awareness can be hurt. Rupert responds that awareness cannot be hurt; it's not possible as it always open and defenceless and at peace.
A woman reports on the lessening of being terrorised by her thoughts because of her awareness of a thought as it arises. Rupert replies that it is good if this can be recognised before the thought formulates and then the agitated feelings will subsequently die down.
A question is asked about effort and the metaphor of John Smith and King Lear. Rupert responds that King Lear doesn't exist, so he doesn't really have anything to do. However, sometimes the teaching gives King Lear a suggestion, 'I am' John Smith. Rupert leads the questioner in self-enquiry to discover this 'I am', or the feeling of being, and how effortless this recognition is.
A man relates how he has come to understand that there is nothing but John Smith and how the layers are removed, revealing more refined points of view. Rupert responds that King Lear is only a point of view from John Smith, as we are all localised points of view. He uses the analogy of becoming immersed in a 3-D movie when wearing the goggles and how that compares to deep sleep. We are all localisations of infinite consciousness which makes us feel separate. As soon as we take off the goggles, the feeling of being separate, the immersion, disappears.