Evolving Beyond Old Patterns in Relationships

I’ve recognised some core beliefs from childhood that are affecting my relationships. I see the attachment to those old decisions, and I’m amazed at how frequently this comes up. It’s not disturbing me – I know it’s an opportunity. But I’m trying to discern: do I just sit with it and shine awareness on the bodily sensations? Is there emotion that needs releasing? Or am I still seeking something different in my relationships? Rupert says: ‘It sounds as if your understanding has evolved, but an old pattern of relating laid down early in life is still running – influencing your current relationships though it’s no longer appropriate. The good thing is you’ve seen this. You want to upgrade the operating system on which your relationships are running. You can’t change how others behave, but you can try to override these old patterns in yourself. What you essentially are cannot be hurt, has never been wounded or traumatised – therefore you don’t need to defend yourself emotionally. You can be open, undefended and unguarded. Try to realign how you relate with this new understanding. Some relationships will evolve to accommodate it; some may not. Be courageous. Those invested in the old you may feel threatened and turn against you – but don’t let that stop you. The relationships truly rooted in love will grow. Don’t withdraw your love, however others behave. You can’t argue with peace and love. Remember: in a relationship, the responsibility always lies with the one who has the deepest understanding. You can understand them, but they can’t yet understand you – so you must make the concession. Be tolerant, understanding, loving. And when you’ve tried and tried again, and it still doesn’t work – then possibly time to step back. But even then, don’t withdraw your love.’

From event 12 - 14 December, 2025 The Shining of Being – Online Weekend Retreat at Home, 12–14 December

Subscribe or purchase View full event recordings