The Sun of Awareness Never Goes Out

Why does consciousness localise itself? What’s the purpose, if it’s knowable? Also, how do I balance sharing this treasure with respecting others’ journeys, especially with my children? Rupert says: ‘Localising itself as an apparently finite mind that is each of us enables it to realise or actualise its potential in form. By itself, without coalescing into a finite mind, it cannot perceive anything objective, because the infinite cannot know the finite directly. In order for the infinite to know the finite, it must do so from a localised finite point of view, but it doesn’t do it for a reason. It is just its nature to do so, because any reason would already be something in manifestation, so there cannot be a reason for manifestation. You share this understanding just by being it and living it. And occasionally, if asked, by speaking of it; but if not asked, don’t speak about it. Just be it and live it. And in doing so, you are communicating it. Explaining things is really a last resort.’

My children are grown up, and I struggle with how to share what I’m feeling about this understanding with them. Rupert says: ‘Don’t worry. Just give your children freedom to take the journey. Just be with them all the way. You are always there. If they need you, they turn around. You are right there behind them. Show them that your peace is not dependent on your circumstances, that you are just quietly happy. Whatever happens, that is the most powerful communication you could give them.’

You describe being as similar to sleeping, being asleep whilst remaining awake. Can you explain this distinction between sleeping and meditating? Rupert says: ‘What happens when you go to bed and fall asleep? You close your eyes, your perceptions leave you. And then you are left with thoughts, images and bodily sensations. The next thing to leave you are bodily sensations, only thoughts and images remain. It’s called the dream state. But your awareness has not passed through any state. And then the last things to go, thoughts and images, and nothing happens to your awareness. You just stay the same. You don’t fall asleep. But from the point of view of the waking-state mind, it superimposes the idea of a blank empty nothing on deep sleep. But from the point of view of awareness itself, it would experience it as the presence of itself, not the absence of anything. You never fall asleep. Just like the sun never goes out. You, awareness, are eternally wide awake. The mind still goes dark, an absence of content – that doesn’t mean that the sun of awareness has stopped shining.’

What’s the difference between saying ‘everything is made of consciousness’ versus ‘everything is made of being’? They evoke different feelings for me. Rupert says: ‘“Being” and “consciousness” are identical. “Consciousness” or “awareness” just means “aware being”. In the English language, the suffix -ness means “the presence or being of”, so awareness means “the presence of that which is aware”. The being of that which is aware. I use them differently depending on the context. It’s relatively easy to understand that, if you were to touch the substance a thought is made of, all that’s there is the knowing of it. Now, it’s not so easy to see how the reality of an inanimate object is also pure knowing. It’s much easier to see that its reality is pure being, so that’s why I often use the word “being”. Take whichever word works for you. And if I use a word that doesn’t resonate, just substitute it. Using many different names for that which truly is sends the subliminal message that that which you truly are cannot really be named.’

I experienced years of harm in a spiritual community where non-dual understanding was misused to justify abuse. What’s the way to healing whilst keeping interest in being? Rupert says: ‘From an absolute point of view, there’s nothing to be healed. If you really understand that and feel that, that is the ultimate healing. But just be careful that you don’t use that as a bypass to address any healing that you need to do on a relative level. The ultimate healing is to go to your being and to really understand experientially that your being has never been violated, nor could it ever be violated. Nothing that takes place in a movie damages the screen. You realise, “I am free. Nothing, nobody touched me. Nobody violated me.” If by “me” you mean your being. Don’t do a spiritual bypass and say, “Oh, who is it that really?” That would be a wrong use of the non-dual understanding, because sometimes this understanding does give us a kind of loving obligation to stand up for what’s right. You have to feel in your heart, where is your response coming from? Go back to your being, see that your being has not been hurt, it has not been violated, and it has no desire to retaliate. And then when you are established in that, then respond to the situation.’

What does it mean to speak truth from courage? Rupert says: ‘The word “courage” means “a large heart”. What is our large heart? Infinite being. So, it means coming from infinite being. You don’t come from personal reactivity, which weakens your argument. You come from being, which is clear and unreactive. You are able to bring just the right measure of force to the situation. Usually, just a very gentle no is enough, but sometimes it needs to be stronger and occasionally very strong. Anger can either rise on behalf of the separate self, or anger can also arise as a legitimate and necessary forceful display of presence. Very occasionally some anger is a loving response to the situation.’

In the last meditation you said, ‘When you come back home, you must stay.’ What does it mean to stay and how does it happen? Rupert says: ‘What does it mean to stay home, to remain in your being as your being? Your home is your being. Most of the time, we live in our thoughts and feelings, and we visit our being from time to time. As the week (of the retreat) goes on, we begin to live there. It becomes our home. We stay there.’

You recommend two paths – withdrawing from objects to find yourself as being, and facing objects by sinking into feelings. What are the criteria for choosing which direction to start? Rupert says: ‘The criteria is whichever seems easiest and most enjoyable to you. On the first path, you experience resistance and ask yourself a question such as, “But what is it that is aware of this resistance?” On the second path, you feel the resistance and you go deeply into it. The Vedantic approach is to increase the distance between you and your resistance. The Tantric approach is the opposite approach. You bring the resistance closer. When you finally merge with it, when there’s no distance between you and the resistance, the resistance can no longer stand as resistance. You can experiment with both. Whichever path you decide to take, go all the way. With very strong emotions take the Tantric path, because really powerful emotions don’t respond very well to the question, “What is it that is aware of this?”’

Sometimes emotions seem so unbearable that neither the Vedantic nor Tantric approach works. Is it possible that resistance stays even when I’m not resisting? Rupert says: ‘It is your resistance that confers “unbearable” on the sensation, on the emotion. The emotion itself is not inherently unbearable. It is your feeling “I don’t like this” that makes it seem unbearable. If instead of the “I don’t like it” response to the emotion, you say, “I love you. I’m gonna kiss you. I’m going to embrace you”, then the frog turns into a beautiful princess. If it seems that it’s impossible, then you just have to suffer it and wait for the intensity to die down. That would be a good example of a third approach, the Progressive Path. You distract yourself from the intensity of the feeling. Your emotion is not unbearable. You face it. You don’t just face it – you welcome it, and you embrace it, and then you kiss it and you take it into yourself. And it’s when you take it into yourself that the toad turns into a princess.’

How does lucid dreaming relate to your teaching about the waking state being like a dream? Rupert says: ‘That’s exactly what we’re aiming at here. Lucid waking. To know that we still see the world from the perspective of the localised subject of experience we seem to be, but we know that who we truly are does not exist in the time and space that seemed to be real in the waking state. What I’m suggesting is just like the waking state, there is a larger mind, a universal mind – pure consciousness, that is – dreaming, imagining this waking state world within its own mind. We can lucid wake just as we can lucid dream. We can realise that who I really am is seeing through the perceiving faculties of the body, but is not localised in the body. We can realise that what we are at the deepest level is pure consciousness that is not located in this time and space, but rather that this time and space is located in it.’

Coming from a Buddhist background, I’m confused about whether I should sense my body or rest in pure being during meditation. Rupert says: ‘This is not like a mindfulness practice where you give your attention to your breath. That’s not what we’re doing here. We were feeling our self as the space of awareness. I wanted you to feel that it is your experience that the flow of sensations that constitute your experience of the body actually takes place in awareness. I wasn’t encouraging you to focus on the sensation. You are the space of awareness – be the space of awareness, and just allow this cloud called the body to come to your attention. What we were doing that morning was kind of deconstructing the felt sense of the body and gradually beginning to experience it in a new way. The body is felt as a modulation, a vibration, a ripple in the ocean of consciousness, made out of sensing. And the only stuff present in sensing is pure knowing.’

I discovered that when caught up in massive thinking, jumping into ‘I am’ brings peace, and then my thinking becomes more productive and creative. Rupert says: ‘That’s a beautiful little example: You are lost in your agitated, confused, jumbled thinking. You jump into the “I am”, trace your way back to your being. You stay there. You experience its peace. And then the outward-facing path – you realign the way you think, feel, act, perceive and relate with this new understanding. You’ve described the realigning of your thinking with the peace that is the nature of your being. When you go back to thinking, your thinking now expresses the qualities that are the nature of your being. Your thinking is clear and creative and productive and effective and intelligent. Now do the same thing with your emotions. And your activities. And your relationships. That’s your homework.’