Balancing Unconditional Yes With Necessary Boundaries

"How do I harmonise the universal yes of awareness with the necessary boundaries the mind must maintain? I struggle with this – awareness feels loving, always allowing, yet there are times when setting boundaries feels cold or harsh, like when parenting requires firmness. Rupert says: ‘These two elements of our experience are not incompatible. On the contrary, they’re complementary. If you take your stand as the presence of awareness, what someone says to you doesn’t hurt you. You hear it, it passes through you. You don’t get upset by it, and therefore you do not withdraw from them, nor do you attack them. You remain open. That’s the universal yes. But at a relative level, you also recognise behaviour that is not consistent with love and understanding. And as a result, you are able to hold up a boundary. You’re not hurt by it. In other words, you don’t withdraw or attack. You remain present, but you are able to say that you’re not willing to be abused or violated. A cold no is sometimes necessary. It’s not necessarily unloving, and a warm yes is not necessarily loving. A warm yes sometimes comes from fear or collapse. A cold no sometimes comes from love.’"

From event 05 - 12 October, 2025 Seven-Day Retreat at Garrison Institute, 5–12 October 2025

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