You’re Doing Your Suffering to Yourself

"I got dumped two weeks ago, and it hit me harder than I thought. It’s revealing more physical neediness in me than I realised – a desperation to cling to something or someone. It’s hitting my ego and my sense of rejection. I know I just have to stay in the ‘I am’, but is there other advice? Rupert says: ‘You could be more proactive. Turn towards the discomfort instead of escaping into substances, activities, or the subtler form of escape – thinking. Welcome it, bring it close, kiss the toad. Second, investigate the one who feels rejected and diminished. Third, abide as being – it will pass. Look around now, Jack – what’s problematic about your current circumstance? Your ex isn’t doing anything to you now. All your distress is just the thought “I don’t like what’s happening.” You’re doing your suffering to yourself – nobody’s doing it to you. Why not just accept what’s happening? Your mind will be hugely relieved of this burden and just become peaceful. The separate self can’t live in the now – it perpetuates itself by engaging you with past or future through regrets, hurt, longing. You don’t have to take six months to get over this. Just step out of it now.’"

From event 21 - 28 November, 2025 Seven-Day Retreat at The Vedanta, 21–28 November 2025

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